I'm Sorry To Inform You: You Have A Teenager

Mary Swift/adobe.stock.com

I’m very fortunate to have a good network of highly-qualified dog trainers located around the USA and in several other countries. We get together whenever we can (not in person for the last year, due to that global pandemic) and we laugh together and converse in private Facebook groups. We even get together sometimes to play “board games” together online. We help each other out on unusual cases, laugh about the most recent silly thing a client’s puppy did, and chat about new studies that have come out on animal behavior. We are a source of information, emotional support, and lots of laughter for one another.

The other day, our conversation turned to adolescent dogs - that awkward time between puppyhood and adulthood for dogs. There’s a lot of overlap with dogs of that age and the stereotypical teenager we see portrayed on TV. I’ve known plenty of great (human) teenagers over the years. But even those individuals might have had at least moments of challenges or have caused challenges for their family members. Heck, it’s a confusing time for parents and for the teenager themselves. They’ve always relied on their parents for guidance and now they are figuring out who they are going to be as adults. And at the same time, there are biological things happening including the hormones often mentioned as the reason for what we consider “bad behavior.”

Our dogs go through a similar stage. Everyone talks about the puppyhood phase. We dog trainers warn people about the importance of socialization and coach on basic manners, house training, puppy biting, chewing, and the many other challenges puppies come with. People generally know about puppies (well, it seems like it to me - but I’m sure that’s not really true. I sure didn’t know what I was getting into with our first puppy and the number of calls from I’ve received from people in tears gives me some anecdotal evidence that our messaging about the hardships of puppyhood still aren’t getting out there enough).

But I think I’ve done a fairly lousy job at warning people about the “teenage years” to follow. And those months (it’s usually months and not years in my experience) can be just as hard as the puppy phase. This stage starts between 6-12 months and lasts until the dog is 18-24 months old. Pet parents worked hard to get their dog through puppyhood and FINALLY, the dog was settling down, listening, coming when called, no longer eating the sofa cushions nor pooping on the expensive wool rug.

And, almost overnight it seems, they are blowing you off when you call them to leave the dog park or come inside from the backyard. You ask for a simple “sit” and they practically shrug their shoulders, roll their eyes, and walk in the opposite direction. It can be confusing, disappointing, and infuriating. It’s no coincidence that most dogs arrive at the shelter when they are in this age range.

WHAT HAPPENED!?

Well, various things have happened. First, like their human teenage counterparts, they are becoming physically mature. Those hormonal behaviors portrayed on tv programs are starting in dogs as well. They become sexually mature near the end of their first year (females may go into heat as early as 5-6 months old).

While some dogs continue to follow close to your heels for their entire life, we can expect many dogs to become a bit more independent during this stage. In our online conversation, Nickala Squire of Carefree Canine pointed out that, “dogs at that age are discovering how many cool things the environment and other people/animals have to offer. It's not only a lack of impulse control but a sudden uptick in the many competing motivators they're now comfortable exploring.” And she’s spot on. It’s almost as if they are seeing the world differently for the first time. And you may not be the most interesting being in the world anymore. They might simply be “braver” about going to explore things that they might have been wary of in the past. And Nickala went on to point out that the news about this isn’t great: “The need for appropriate alternative motivation is not going away.” You’re always competing with the environment. And, perhaps for the first time, the environment starts looking more interesting that you do. We’ve simply got to step up our game.

Nickala wisely reminded us trainers that, in the midst of the entirely normal chaos of adolescence, there ARE things to watch for. As was the case during puppyhood, we should make sure our dogs aren’t becoming fearful: “Making bad choices, being overwhelmed or naughty or independent are all normal and will pass, but fear, anxiety and aggression should not be considered a phase or a temporary ‘fear period’ that will pass on its own and should be addressed immediately.”

What Can We Do?

First, and foremost, stay kind. And summon the last bit of patience that’s left over from dealing with puppy stuff. We need to start over as though we’ve just gotten a new puppy BUT rest assured this should pass fairly quickly with patience, consistency, and kindness.

Another of my training peers, Rachel Ash of the Maryland SPCA offered some specific tactics to help. “Continue to provide off-leash play through adolescence, adequate sleep is important, take a step back with your training expectations and just focus on one day at a time!” It’s so tempting to feel that “he already knows this stuff!” and to become angry. But that attitude simply isn’t going to work. After all the work you’ve done, now isn’t the time to ruin the relationship by being harsh. Press on with kindness and you’ll have years of fun with your dog.

But that’s SO EASY for me to say from the comfort of my home office with my adult dogs sleeping at my feet. I lived through it and I suspect that I’m forgetting how frustrated I was before. I also have a young Rottweiler sleeping under my desk as I type this. And she’s going through this phase now. But, as much as I really adore her (and boy, I really do), I know that she’ll only be here a week and that awareness allows me a bit of much-needed objectiveness and emotional distance when I see her doing something she wouldn’t have done just three months ago (like blowing me off at the dog park three days ago).

When it’s YOUR dog and you’re feeling that completely normal feeling of frustration, there’s nothing wrong with consulting with a professional. The person who happened to start the conversation about adolescent dogs was Lizzy Flanagan. Lizzy teaches lucky dogs in Worcester, Massachusetts. But she also teaches some classes online. One of those classes is for owners of these “teenage dogs.” The five-week class includes topics explaining what’s actually happening in your dog’s brain (in more detail than I did here), and helps you with management tactics, helps you determine training priorities, and provides solid advice about how to get through this with a good relationship with your pup AND with all your hair.

Will You Live Through This?

Think for just a minute about a great dog you know. Not yours. Another adult dog. Maybe your neighbor’s dog. Or your coworker’s dog. Or the loyal old dog you grew up with. Those dogs were once puppies. And they were once adolescent dogs too. And they turned into these wonderful dogs you know today. With the right response from you, yours will very likely become the dog of your dreams too. Hang in there. Take several deep breaths. And contact Lizzy to sign up for her next class.