I regret getting a puppy - now what?

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People who get puppies usually imagine cuddles and play and “loyalty” and companionship. But most puppies start off with some added features - sharp puppy teeth, constant chewing, barking, peeing and pooping in the house. Oh. My. Gosh. The PEE! It’s everywhere. Glance at the dog and she pees. Reach for the dog, more pee. Think of the dog - yep. Pee. You’re up all hours of the night taking the dog out. Crate training isn’t going as well as you expected. He might seem timid around strangers or other dogs. He vomited in the car - again.

This is not what you signed up for.

We dog trainers sometimes get calls or texts from clients or friends who are disillusioned about their new dog. Sometimes, they are even in tears.

I understand. Really, I do. I’ve been there. I’ve had puppies myself and I have an endless stream of puppies here in our house for training. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. There are plenty of times it is NOT FUN.

So let’s try something. I’d like you to momentarily forget about your puppy (wait - your puppy is someplace safe, right? In your lap or napping in her crate or playpen? Or being watched by someone else? Okay, let’s continue).

Think of a dog you’ve liked in the past. Maybe it was a dog you grew up with. Maybe it was a dog you had previously. Or perhaps it’s a friend’s dog. You know, the type who’s exactly what you want. Relaxed. Friendly. Obedient. House trained! He plays fetch with you. She sleeps at your feet when you visit your friend. He’s a very good dog.

Do you have a dog in mind? Seriously, pause for a second and think about that dog for a minute or two before you continue reading. What’s their name? What do you like so much about them? That’s what you had in mind when you got a dog, right?

Well, let me tell you something. That wonderful dog was once a puppy who peed in the house, chewed everything with sharp puppy teeth, didn't come when called, and probably jumped on people instead of sitting politely. I'd be stunned if the dog's owners didn't regret at times getting a puppy and might have even considered other options for the dog (rehoming it, taking it back to where they got it, etc.). Now, the owners of this perfect dog probably won’t admit that - in large part because they probably just don't remember feeling that way. The years have a way of erasing the memories of difficult times and replacing them with more recent memories of dogs cuddling next to us on the couch, tromping alongside us on a hike, and making us laugh with some utterly ridiculous thing they've done.

That good older dog GOT good with time, patience, consistency, and (hopefully) love. Dogs have to learn to fit into our lives. We all have different expectations and household rules.

I think it’s completely reasonable to want a dog to pee outside. But why in the world would a young puppy be expected to know that? And how should a puppy know that the rubber-coated microphone cord under my desk isn’t a chew toy like the rubber coated ball that I also provided? (That’s a real example from a recent failure on my part to carefully observe a visiting puppy - even professionals make these mistakes.)

The owners of all those “perfect” dogs had sleepless nights, frustrating moments, and thoughts about sending the dog back where they got it. So what you’re feeling is normal. And completely okay.

So, what can you do to get through this?

• Training - in large part, your dog probably just needs to learn what will make you happy. And we can teach them that in a way that makes them happy too. Get some help. Get a qualified trainer who uses modern, safe, effective training methods without the use of pain, fear, and intimidation (so, no prong collars, shock collars, squirt bottles, choke/slip leads, etc.) I readily admit a bias, but I’d start with this list of trainers.

• Get some help - daycare can be a nice break. The right daycare can be a fun time for your dog too. You get some time off, the dog gets to romp with new friends. So everyone wins! Or maybe your friends would be THRILLED to take your puppy for an afternoon. Before I had dogs of my own, I’d have loved to babysit (and sometimes did). The temporary inconveniences were no big deal for me since it was just for a few hours or over the weekend.

• While I honestly think most people will live through puppyhood and come out on the other side with a lovely dog, I get that some people will truly come to realize that having a dog isn’t for them. It’s a bigger commitment than some realize. So, while I encourage you to explore the first two options above first, I’ll understand if you decide you’ve made a mistake and don’t have it in you to keep trying.

You have every right to feel how you feel. Puppies are a lot of work. Some, even more than others (and yes, there’s that rare “easy” puppy). I’d be remiss not to mention that the puppy isn’t being intentionally difficult. I can assure you that no dog wakes up in the morning determined to make your life miserable or to show you they are the boss. They behave the way they do because it produces consequences that work for them. With gentle training, we can teach them other behaviors that we’d prefer they do instead of the ones they’ve chosen. There may be times to feel angry - but there’s never a time to act angry towards a dog. Don’t be mean, train the dog. If you don’t know how, get some help. Ask me or check out some of the resources found here.

With training, consistency, kindness, and a good dose of patience, your dog can grow into the dog you think of when you hear the the words

Good Dog.

Hang in there.